Ted Sheridan Tropics of

Ted Sheridan
Tropics of Capricorn and Cancer


I have a very close companion
We are never apart
She owns an acre and a half
Of my landscaped head
During the last month or two
The body of her claim on me
Has reached maturity
We drilled for oil
We struck bad luck instead
She brokered her deal without options
While I had been more flexible
With my terms
And now here I am more concerned than ever
That she is prepared to foreclose
On all of my real estate___
I feel a cold hand freeze my thoughts
As my soul departs for Philadelphia
In a body bag of bankruptcy and red tape…

Ted Sheridan Shrimp Sized

Ted Sheridan
Shrimp Sized Confidence


I never said so
but I always believed
you to be a fake
Your lips too perfect
Your eyes too focused
on the glass ceiling
I felt like a tanked fish
that kept its as*hole slammed shut
in an effort to keep
the bottom feeders at bay….

Ted Sheridan A New Member

Ted Sheridan
A New Member in God’s Gang


A drive by bullet
Gently grazes your head
You go into a sudden death spiral
Your soul leaves
Your body reluctantly
The next thing you know
The cell phone is ringing
And the Pope has just
Canonized your Mother
So you are not the bastard after all…

Biography of Ted Sheridan

I am and have always been a Conservative, and that one thing alone in today's world is enough to start a war it seems even within the borders of my own country. My dreams are very simple...I dream of getting some serious sleep when my life here is finally over and when I awaken on the other side, I won't remember my many past lives as a taxi driver in Baghdad or the one as the last protected Woodchuck in a petrified forest, or perhaps this life in which I have been a fly on the wall of President George W. Bush's oval office. Osama Bin Ladin is dead in a cave and covered with WMDs